Guitars

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 7:59 am

its funny..not haa haa funny but odd funny how when you are a kid you dad seems so invincible.. how nothing could hurt him... no monsters under the bed no closet boogie men... nothing....

i sit here tonight missing my dad who passed away on friday.. it wasn't cancer or heart attack or anything huge like that that took him from me and my family. it was shittly little cold that developed into pneumonia that ultimately got him... people get over this kind of stuff all the time.. but not this time..

My dad smoked lucky strikes since he was 15 years old he quit 2 years ago but not before he developed emphizema, COPD and congestive heart failure... that is what allowed this shitty little cold to take away the person who chased away all the monsters, who bought me my first guitar, who taught me how to fish and fight and how to be a man...

i am 34 years old and i still called him for advice.. i am going to miss him...it kills me that he wont be able to see my sons grow up to be men..

my dad was only 65 when he died... too young... He told me many times he wished he would have never smoked or that he woulld have stopped when he was younger.. if any of you who smoke read this take my dads advice ( i can vouch for the quality of his advice)... quit now.. dont wait... so your son or daughter wont have to sit heretrying to express how much they are going to miss you...

i.. am going to miss you dad....

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:03 am

my condolences to you man, I'm sorry to hear about your loss, I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose someone that close to me, and I hope not to for a while,

Joined: 29 Nov 2003 Posts: 7668 Location: Florida

My condolences to you and your whole family. May your father rest in peace.

Joined: 07 Oct 2004 Posts: 13338 Location: HNNNNGGGGG!!!!

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.... words seem cheap compared to what you are feeling now, but I have to say that I feel your pain in a way that I probably could not feel it myself... Not having that kind of experience with my own father but trying to provide it to my stepson... I am deeply stricken by your loss.

Smoking is like a demon. I fought with it for years and finally kicked it to the curb... best thing I ever did in my life. I have not done such great things as your dad did for you... but I hope to someday.

I have always been told that what does not kill you will only make you stronger. Times like this make me evaluate that idea in a way... and that is that some things just plain kill a person.... no matter how strong they are.

Your dad was a great man... and you will be great for appreciating him and remembering the good times... and passing along his greatness to your children.

May he rest in the most heavenly peace.

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 11:33 am

I'm deeply saddened by your loss... My condolences to you and your family. I can not fathom the pain you are feeling... but time heals all wounds. The memories of him will live on in you forever.

Chuck

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 11:42 am

I am so very sorry for your loss. My own father died at 54 with heart problems that were mainly brought on by smoking, he smoked Pall Malls for most of his life. I have wrestled with it for years and finally quit. The loss of a man's father is a deep hurt and I still grieve the man that taught me all those things as well. You have my deepest sympathy as well as my prayers for you and your family.

Joined: 29 Nov 2003 Posts: 14502

Very sorry to hear it. Our condolences to you and your family.
I know exactly how you feel.

Jim

Joined: 07 Oct 2004 Posts: 7994 Location: Colorado

My condolences to you and your family.

Losing a parent is so tough. I lost my mother 15 years ago. It crushed me.

Mark

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 12:37 pm

My condolences to you and your family. We are here for ya if you need to express yourself any further. Thanks for giving the folks some good advice too.

Joined: 13 Jan 2004 Posts: 3709

My father died when I was 22, that was 35 years ago. I still dream about him some nights. I get to do things with him again, tell him I love him... He is still there in your heart and maybe tonight you'll see him again in your dreams. Keep the faith brother!

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 12:55 pm

I lost my Father to cancer in 1985 (got himself killed in Vietnam and it took him 20 years to find out, IE agent orange) I think about him often and wish he could have seen my kids grow and wish I could have seen them sitting on his lap. His death brought home a realization that EVERY DAY IS A GIFT, tell the ones who you love that you do so often and look them in the eye when you say it. Dealing with your loss is a day to day affair, some good, some not so good. Keep your chin up and walk tall, it's because of your Father that you can do so. Peace.

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 12:56 pm

My thoughts go out to you. It gets easier to handle as time goes on.

Joined: 13 Feb 2005 Posts: 5218 Location: In the wind.

transblueZ wrote:

My condolences to you and your whole family. May your father rest in peace.

I've still yet been able to find words to console somebody at a time like this, so TransblueZ pretty much summed up how I feel for you, bro.
Try to remember to celebrate his life, rather than mourn his death. When we lose somebody near and dear to us, we have a tendency to mourn *our* loss. Remember that he is in a better place now and you'll be together again soon enough.
Hang tough, man! Victoria may have turned her back on us, but that didn't halt your affinity for her, now did it? When you get bummed out, just think about that and I can bet you'll get a crooked little smile on your mug! Wink

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 1:40 pm

Ditto what 60srocker said.

My sincere condolences to you and your family. Words do no good. Just know that we feel for you & are thinking of you. Now, I feel the need to call my dad.....

Joined: 09 Feb 2004 Posts: 1721 Location: Dallas, TX

Thoughts and prayers for you and your family Mike.

My Dad had a bout with bronchitis that went to the brink of congestive heart failure and landed him in the hospital earlier this year. It was a close call and he learned he has a heart arythmia that he is having to try and manage now. He is only 62, but fortunately never has smoked. The whole thing gave me a new perspective and thankfulness for my parents and has made me more concious of spending more time with them while I still have them.

I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Joined: 26 May 2004 Posts: 434

My condolences to you and your loved ones.
I lost my Mom when I was 18...20 years ago. I still miss her today, but realize I was lucky to have a great Mom for 18 years..alot of people arent that lucky.
It sounds like you had a great Dad....he will live on in you and your children. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Joined: 12 Feb 2004 Posts: 490 Location: IL

I am sorry too for your loss. I am not really close to my family, but I did lose my brother to cancer about 15 years ago. It's exteremly hard to move past things like that. But it gets a bit easier with time.

I will say a prayer for your Dad as well as your family.

Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 3939 Location: Orlando, FL

This is an Irish funeral prayer that I like to think of when I miss loved ones that have passed.

Quote:

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt, nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.

Joined: 29 Nov 2003 Posts: 14502

Good thoughts from Thor.

My mother passed away in '82 when I was 19. Very tough time. What seemed to help was remembering the really good times, common times, whatever to deal with it.

At the time, Mom was the only female in the house. Older sister had recently moved out into her own place. We had to travel from MO to NY for the funeral. While in NY, my older brother and sister and I had stopped at a small store to pick up some supplies on the way to the funeral after-party(the fellow Irish folk know of which I refer....). Mike and I are sitting on the charcoal bags at the end of the register line with a couple cases of beer as the sister walks up to the register to pay for her "feminine products". Mike sees what she's doing, turns to me and says "well, at least we won't have to see those damn things in the house any more....". I gave him the look of "my god, I can't believe you just said that" and he replied "don't lose a sense of humor over this, because mom would've laughed at it".

That lone comment has gotten me through many an emotional time with a snicker. She would've laughed at it.

Think of at least one thing a day about your father that puts a smile or a funny grin on your face. It'll help you through the other stuff.

Jim

Joined: 14 Jan 2004 Posts: 21

My condolences. Remember the good times and the small things because they should be the legacy.

Joined: 29 Dec 2004 Posts: 1704 Location: Garden State

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...

May the many happy memories bring you comfort and keep your father alive in your heart.

Joined: 11 Dec 2004 Posts: 2223 Location: Mendota IL

You have my thoughts as well.

Smoked for more years than I care to remember. Took more times than I can count to quit, but I was finally able to kick it in '96. A cigar with the boys occasionally that's all.

Keep hold of the good times and he'll always be there for you.

Joined: 29 Nov 2003 Posts: 5324

my condolences and prayers..

Joined: 29 Nov 2003 Posts: 2742 Location: Denver

60srocker wrote:

He'll always live on in your memory. When you come to a cusp, just ask yourself what your Dad would do, and he will answer, as he will always be there, waiting. My Dad still visits me and counsels me from time to time (you need a hair cut!), sometimes when I really need it, as he, too, gave good advice during his life.

That is quite possibly the best thing I've ever read/heard on the subject. Please allow me to echo the sentiments.

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 7:03 pm

To you and your family,

My warmest thoughts and sincere condolences, I will have you in my mind for a time, hoping your memories will ease your pain of loss.

Love ya mah mang,

J.A.

Joined: 04 May 2005 Posts: 2059 Location: Wallingford, CT

Sorry to hear about your loss. My Mother passed away almost 7 years ago (I was 32) and she was only in her mid-50's. I think about her all the time.
Like others have said here, dealing with the pain and loss gets easier over time. The memories you have last forever. Surrounding yourself with family and friends makes this time a lot easier. If people offer their help in any way, take it! Even if you don't need the help, having someone to talk to, laugh with, cry with makes it easier.
A lot of times I'll encounter situations, people whatever when I'll say to myself "what would my Mom say about this or do here." She had a great sense of humor, so I usually laugh at the possibilities. So to this day, she still keeps me laughing!

Guest

Man, this is soooo close to home for me. I'm balling like a baby. So sorry, man. We've gotten a bit of a reprieve, for now, but we don't dare to question for how long. At least three more surgeries are needed. I'm still so NOT prepared for the inevitable, I can't even imagine...

Smoking is not cool...

But like all have said, it's the memories. Good and bad. I have a bunch and plan to make more. Here's a fave: Calling my Dad down from the balcony where he and my Mom and Wife and family are watching, and giving him a drumstick and telling him to join Matt at the kit, then breaking into the song "Inside" with the whole place singing along and dancing! Hometown shows are the best! Wink

You talk about a Kodak moment! Very Happy

Shortly therafter, everyone on stage was running around with custom made boxer shorts on their heads! They were made by a neighborhood girl from our old neighborhood we lived in when we were kids! A sister of one of my brother's best friends. Dan--> Doc Ozz has a photo from that night at the Pig Pen. It was the last night I played my ML, actually. Pande-fookin-monium!
Grab a hold of all your memories and hold them close to your heart, brother! Crying or Very sad

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 10:20 pm

Brother
I’m deeply saddened to hear of your loss and suffering.

My deepest condolences to you and your family and wishes for an end to your pains and that contentment will come to you and those you love.

I have watched many close to me die, as well as see the children of those that are family to me die, which is the worst. The pain, shock, and extreme emotions this brings – I can feel what you are going through.

Spent time last Xmas with some friends who lost 80 cousins and uncles and half their own families in the Sri Lanka tsunami. The pain and feeling of loss can make everything else seem meaningless.

This is not necessarily bad, since all these things we love.. ARE less meaningful than the deep connections to those we love most, and the love that those connections grow in us.

Please do not let grief and thoughts it brings dominate you.
That will cloud the truth that 60’s, Jayba, Scott and our other brothers here have said – your father Is and will CONTINUE to be with you inside.

Your dad is alive inside your heart – don’t ever forget that.

He will see your sons grow to men, and he will share in all your happiness and sorrows, as he is within you. Your lives are and will continue to be intertwined as one.

That is why we feel them in those important moments.

We are not missing them. We are experiencing the truth that they are within us, in the heart, so we feel them, as they are calling from within the heart and letting us know they see and feel us.

During the quiet moments, when the loud talking and outer attempts to stave off pain have left, we can feel the loved ones inside our heart. That is the proof. When that feeling comes, go into it.

Do not think that we are remembering something gone.
Remember really means to re Member – to become part of something again, to join and seek union.
It’s like a tuning fork in the heart. It is vibrational and it is vibrating inside us and calling for us to vibrate back.
To re Member and join in the heart.

Inside the feeling of the “memory” of our ones that “left” is the Truth that we feel them, so they are NOT gone.

Inside that truth is the Truth that they are still here since we do feel them, and can even hear them speak at times.

Inside that truth is the Truth that what is missing is not what they were. If we keep going into that place, we’ll find the place where we are all connected and our true forms are joined together. The light form.

Since what we miss is the body… so we find the truth that all wise ones have kept telling us – we are not these bodies. They are just vehicles, cars for the journey, disposable.

Your dad has dropped his car off on the side of the road and has continued his journey using a much subtler vehicle. That’s why the feelings and “meetings” are subtle and fleeting.

Try going INTO those feelings and we can meet them whenever we want. We can make it easier by remembering that we also are not limited to these cars we’ve picked up, the outer shell we assumed for this world.

Your dad is there – waiting to greet you. Any time. Inside. In the Light form he is existing in now.

Try taking a little time to practice going inside and you’ll feel him. It’s like anything else – we get what we put into it.

The other strings vibrate to another string that is tuned.

Many are too scared to go deep inside, until someone dies. Then we start believing in what’s really important. And what’s true.

I recently helped my girlfriend Darlene, who I love very, very dearly – to go through her aunt dying. We used to visit her every Friday in a broken down Nursing home in the ghetto.
The rest of her family deserted her and Darlene was left to care for her. Even when she was dying, very few came around and left quickly. She was in a coma. She was blind. She was 81.

I believe people in comas can hear inside the heart so I talked to her inside me about how she can leave when she wants as we love her and want her to have peace, and how she is truly the light form God gave her before she was born, and other things private. She came to and LOOKED at me and said thank you.
Then she went back to her coma.

I cannot express the humility and awe that sent through me. Tears well up remembering that.
They took her off life support and a week later the doctors called Darlene and said she’s going to die today. I got stuck in traffic for almost 2 hours trying to get to Darlene. We got there and they had moved her to another floor because the room had been “booked” as they thought she’d be dead already!! We got there and she was heaving to breathe, like she was running a marathon.

We closed our eyes, out of respect, took her hands and talked to her again inside about how she can go, and only accept the light she came from. She left. We felt her soul leave. She had a beautiful smile on her face. Then the doctors came in and did 20 minutes of tests to decide if she was dead or not.

I only say this as all this is just words unless we live it and we can only say something if we experience it or it’s just words.

If this is over the top, please forgive the length and accept what you can from this crazy fool who is just sharing his experience here cause he feels for you.

Please trust that your dad is very much alive within you, that he was not that body, that you are not either, and that if you go inside you can and will meet him and he will advise you just as he did, and may even reveal some new secrets about this amazing life to you.

May your heart be at peace
and may you be a strength

to those you love that need the strength

that your dad showed you so nobly.

We are all in this together and all with you.

Lots of Love
Bob

Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Posts: 701 Location: New Orleans

My condolences and best wishes. Sounds like you had a great relationship with your Dad. So many don't. What a tribute to him.

Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 12036 Location: Nevada

sorry to hear that man, I know what you are going through, my grandpa just died a couple months ago from emphasema. Smoking sucks.

Joined: 28 Mar 2005 Posts: 4083

man I am taken aback, reading what you said about your old man. just makes me think of how I have felt when my loved ones passed on. hang tough and just try to remember how great he was.

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 6:02 am

thank you all for your kind words. we buried him today... i said my good byes.. then all of my family and friends had a get together.. i t was full of laughter and happiness and good stories.. i am sure my dad was there.... i catch glimpses of him in my littlest boys face when ever he laughes. i catch my self sounding like him all the time..a fact that i am proud of...

thank you every one... this thread is an example of why this forum is the hands down best forum any where..

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 6:06 am

Thor Intrepid wrote:

This is an Irish funeral prayer that I like to think of when I miss loved ones that have passed.

Quote:

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt, nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.

thor, just wanted you to know that i read this prayer at the funeral today.. it was perfect ....my family are irish also.. thank you for the prayer..

mike